I recently heard a report of research on NPR which relates to this. People who have a choice about what they should do are much happier than those who don’t. However, people who spend a very long time making their choices are more likely to end up unhappy. If people spend too long making a choice, they start to focus on the pros and cons of every choice. Since no choice is perfect, regardless of what they end up choosing, they are likely to spend a lot of time regretting what they didn’t choose.

Arranged marriage as practiced in the Arab world (and this is not necessarily true of arranged marriage everywhere) offers that middle amount of choice. Both bride and groom have the opportunity to suggest people that they may like to marry and reject those whom they don’t find appealing. But the process happens quickly–they meet someone and they decide, usually within days or weeks. Psychologically, this level of choice is likely to discourage second guessing the marriage later on.

In any case, it is very offensive for anyone to tell people whom they have never met how they should approach marriage, or to make fun of other peoples’ intimate relationships.

I just had a post about the modern matchmaking models in the whole world and eventually the Middle East; please check it out and allow me to place the link for your readers … as the feedback is very important

There you go:
http://anolita.jeeran.com/mind/archive/2006/5/45062.html

This mirrors the Western notion of dating. How many times did friends try and family to “set me up”? I was resistant because it wasn’t my ideal way of finding a partner, but who are we to judge what works for everyone else? I think it is simply the method that is being protested, not so much the end result, because it has been foreign to the Western tradition for so long, and because the Arab youth are increasingly looking to the West for cues on “modern” society and practices, and challenging and questioning their own.

From my understanding, when a young man is ready to marry, his family and friends make inquiries of possible brides. Potential couples meet, and if they don’t like each other, then it is finished. The process begins anew. If they do like each other, then there is a courtship and engagement period, and finally a wedding. This still gives ample time for either bride or groom-to-be to back out. (Please correct me if I am wrong)

It should be noted that even many of the Christian Arabs approach marriage in this fashion.

That said, the thing that a lot of us Arabs and Moslems are failing to see is that, According to Wkipedia, Romantic Marriage came after the Sex Revolution in the west (something we still didn’t have in the east).

I think traditional (or pragmatic) forms of marriage have a terrible reputation with an Arab youth yearning for independence, but we are failing to see that, like traditional marriage, romantic marriage has its advantages and disadvantages and that they should keep their mind open to both forms.

This from Wikipedia:

Pragmatic marriage contrasted to romantic marriage

Cultures that aspire to create relationships after couples marry are those with institutionalized practices of pragmatic marriage. Cultures that come to think that marriages should only be tried once a short-term compatibility already exists adopt romantic marriages.

Those who believe in romantic marriage will often criticize pragmatic marriage, considering it is oppressive, inhuman, sexist, or immoral. Defenders of pragmatic marriage disagree, often pointing to cultures where the success rate of pragmatic marriages is seen to be high, and holding that nearly all couples learn to love and care for each other very deeply.

Those who uphold pragmatic marriage frequently state that it is traditional, that it upholds social morals, that it is good for the families involved. They also have some traditional criticisms of romantic marriage, saying that it is short-term, overly based on sexual lust, or immoral. Defenders of romantic marriage would hold that it is preferable to achieve an emotional bond before entering into a lifelong commitment.

i don’t agree w/ arranged marriages. i know many do that in this part of the world and in the states (not as many but it happens)… but still, i think there’s something to be said about meeting someone or being struck by love or seeing them from a distance and then falling madly in love the old fashioned way.

I don’t think Arranged marriages last for long, and if they do then it would be bombarded with even more problems.

(Moi is taken. By myself