Support Your Own Illegal Israeli Settlement [Satire]


By Mantiq al-Tayr * | Sabbah Report |

The illegal town of Ariel
1. insults radical Islam by comparing it to Reform Judaism and then apologizes not to the Muslims but to the Jews. Shows you it ain’t them there Mooselims who control the media.

2. Hey and girls, are you interested in supporting terrorism, violating international law, stealing other people’s property and being in general a smug narcissistic asshole and getting the US taxpayer to subsidize this behavior? Of course you are, who wouldn’t be? So you will be most interested in a new occasional feature that the tuyuur here at have come up with called “Support Your Own Illegal Israeli Settlement”. Once every couple of weeks or so we will choose a nice Israeli settlement built on and we’ll give you some links about it so you can learn about what a great place it is. We will also provide you a link so that you can make US tax-free donations in order to keep the illegal settlement going – something you really should go to jail for, but here in the US this sort of theft and support of insane Israelis is encouraged and the taxpayers as usual get to foot the bill. What a deal.

Our inaugural voyage into the realm of illegal Israeli is the lovely (and did I mention illegal?) town of Ariel, which lies not far from Nablus and which the Jewish Virtual Liebrary has the chutzpahpahpah to call “the capital of Samaria.”

Founded in 1978 by Likudnik Ron Nachman, this 8-mile long illegal settlement has about 20,000 residents – many of them Russian Jews imported during the 1990’s. It also has a “university” of about 12,000 students a few hundred of whom are Arabs which makes everything better. Residents get highly subsidized by the as it is clear that this settlement was and is designed as part of a major land grab in the northern . Again, the Liebrary tells us:

“The city’s position expands ’s narrow waist (which was 9 miles wide before 1967) and ensures that Israel has a land route to the Jordan Valley should Israel needs to fight a land war to the east. Because of its size, most Israelis favor the incorporation of the Ariel bloc within whatever may be the final borders of Israel. It is more controversial than the other “consensus” settlements because it is the furthest from the 1949 Armistice Line. Nevertheless, Prime Minister Barak’s proposal at Camp David included Ariel among the settlement blocs to be annexed to Israel; the Clinton plan also envisioned incorporating Ariel within the new borders of Israel.”

The residents of Ariel are there because of the “higher standard of living they enjoy and the economic incentives provided by the government. In particular, residents can obtain better mortgages and repayment terms because the government designated Ariel as a “national priority” development area.”

You will be glad to know that Israeli ass-kisser and very likely to become the next Israeli Vice President for American Affairs, , went to Ariel early this month and made a complete ass of himself, something he is very good at doing.

Huckabeestein went to the Ariel Regional Center for the Performing Arts, which btw is the subject of a boycott initiated by Israeli artists who have a conscience – unlike Huckabee obviously – and said, and I’m not making this up:

“what some people from outside would call a settlement, most of us would look at this and tour it and call it a community – a thriving community – where people are being educated, encouraged, enjoying life and raising families .”

When the boycott of the ARCPA was mentioned to him by reports, Huckabilly actually made an indirect threat to those who support the boycott.

When asked about the artists’ boycott of the Ariel Regional Center for the Performing Arts, Huckabee said: “People have boycotted me previously. I consider it a badge of honor. I am sure that this university and this community will thrive. I am not sure that the people who do the boycotting will.”

And of course, the neo-con nutcase who blogs for, surprise surprise, the Washington New York Times Post (JEWNYTP) recently visited Ariel and managed to learn nothing at all as she drove on the West Bank’s “Jewish only” roads. She, like Huckabee, believes in a “one-state” solution to the problem – that is that only Israel exist. Not quite what Ali Abu Nima might have in mind. But I digress.

Huckabuthead, an ordained Baptist minister and living proof that American Christianity is pretty much just a bunch of Zionist Bullshit, got interviewed for Politico and said stuff that no doubt made Jennifer Rubin get really excited.

“The trips also have political lessons. Huckabee met with Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and a committee of the Knesset on this trip, making headlines for his dismissal of the land-for-peace bargain that underlies the peace process and of the very idea of a Palestinian state in the West Bank.

Such a state “can’t be on top of the same real estate that the Israelis control,” he told POLITICO. “There’s no such thing as a realistic hope of this two-state solution.”

He said demands that Israel rein in settlements have only encouraged Palestinian demands. Instead, he said, the U.S. should “encourage the Israelis to build as much as they can and as rapidly as they can.”

I love this quote from the interview:

A parliamentarian who backs Israel’s settlements, , told POLITICO that if Huckabee “had to get elected in the Knesset, I’m sure he would be the president of the .”

Yet again, I digress. Let’s get back to Ariel as we go down the “Jewish only” road.

So if you are the kind of person who admires a Huckabee or a Rubin, you can go to the “American Friends of Ariel” website and make your tax-exempt contributions to a one-state solution – one state that will end up having no Palestinians at all.

To go to their donation page, click here and see the message at the bottom of the page that says:

“Please note that all donations are tax deductible in the U.S.A.”

3. Now, I have to comment on something. It’s not the sort of thing readers of this site come here to read, but it is such an urgent matter that I feel I have to make a comment.

As hard as it is to believe, it does appear that the owners of the National Football League are going to lock out the players starting March 4th and NFL fans around the country are facing the prospect that if no labor agreement is reached by late in the summer, some of all of the coming football season will be in jeopardy.

I want you all to know that we here at Mantiq al-Tayr are fully on the side of the NFL owners in this dispute. The owners are among the ruling elites in this country and they for the most part hate your guts and they would do anything they possibly could to fuck you over in a New York minute if they had the chance. And in fact they do so on a regular basis and NFL fans seem to enjoy it. I hope the owners totally crush the players union and do so in a way that even members can see just how much the rich hate the guts of working people. I want them to stomp the players into the ground and when it’s all over – and I hope there is no football season at all in 2011, the players have to go back to one-year contracts making the wages of your average Walmart assistant manager. Your NFL ticket prices still won’t come down, you will still have to buy PSL’s, you will continue to subsidize their huge fucking stadiums, and you’ll still have to pay through the nose for Direct TV’s “NFL Ticket” and the cable companies showing the games will just jack up their rates. And you – you stupid dumb tax-paying Israeli-supporting Fox-fed American morons won’t do a damn thing about it. You deserve it. Fuck you.

I feel better now.

4. Man, do we need something to cheer us up.

How about this?

American Christianity - AP Photo

Hmm. Guess that one doesn’t work, does it?

How about this? Huckabee vs. Derwoshitz

Video link:

Nah, that just makes me even more upset.

How about this:

Video link:

Gosh, I am just striking out today. Give me another chance.

Video link:

Okay, one more chance. Please.

Video link:

Just one more, I promise.

Video link:

See, I’m getting better. And here’s one more. It’s real short so Shas Party members can follow it.

Video link:

* Mantiq al-Tayr is a blogger who is attempting to wake up other American citizens to the true dangers and challenges which face their country and is devoted to justice for the Palestinian people. Truth is his objective, satire is his tool. He also enjoys reading the Qur’an from time to time. See his website.